Masters of Disguise

Who’s the master of disguise? Sherlock Holmes? No! It’s you! (Provided you’re not in a car.)

Some examples of disguise

Steven Petterson said he thought the cyclist he hit was a bus stop. He was cleared.

Alison Bowen said she thought the cyclist she drove into was a badger. She pleaded guilty.

Bethany Ward said she thought the pedestrian she drove into was a deer. She pleaded guilty.

Russell Davies said he thought the cyclist he drove over was a drain cover. He was cleared.

Andrew Chilton said he thought the pedestrian he drove over was a pothole. He was cleared.

Mark Tyler said he thought the cyclist he drove over was a pothole. He was cleared.

The following points are notable: The drivers who failed to stop (and, in one case, who was as pissed as a fart) pleaded guilty; those who stopped all stood trial and were all cleared.

A word of advice

So here’s some advice: If you drive into—or indeed over—someone, stop the vehicle and, when the police arrive, claim you thought they were a piece of street furniture or an animal. As long as you’re sober and you stop, you’re probably in the clear.

That’s my top tip this week for drivers who can’t be arsed to look at things in the road ahead of them.

Addenda

Some additional ideas for you.

Michael Rollason said he thought the cyclist he hit was a wheelie bin. He failed to stop and was found guilty of causing death by dangerous driving.

Damian Niepieklo said he thought the cyclist he hit was a branch. He failed to stop and pleaded guilty to causing death by careless driving.

 

5 thoughts on “Masters of Disguise

  1. D. 19 November 2014 / 15:46

    “Who’s the master of disguise? Sherlock Holmes? No! It’s you!”

    I thought everyone knew that all bicycles have a malfunctioning chameleon circuit!

    :-)

    • Mike 19 November 2014 / 20:22

      And all pedestrians walk around with an invisibility over their heads. :-)

  2. platinum 19 November 2014 / 16:16

    Ah the good old not proven verdict – “not guilty, but don’t do it again”.

  3. Harry 19 November 2014 / 22:20

    It is crazy that you can get jail for manslaughter via any other method. Literally no one cares about murder in a car apart from where they can apportion blame. It all just makes me laugh now, ever since I almost got wiped out from behind by a multiple ton 4×4 that took about a good number of yards swerving in the oncoming lane to even come to a full stop. At some point you just accept that people kill regularly and half the time don’t even care (unless it’s their kid or brother or etc). Sometimes I guess you get angry and breakdown when you think about the family you would have left behind but then you realise that it is what it is.

  4. bishop0151 21 November 2014 / 18:16

    Taking someone out in a car is fast becoming the perfect crime.

    Do it in spring or autumn and claim that the sun was in your eyes, you thought that they were a suicidal deer that fell in front of you.

    Home free!

    Statisticly a lot less risky than a hit man.

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